In Honor of William & Katherine

We had a twitter festival the other day trying to win wonderful Donna a free trip to London to be amongst all the hoopla of the Royal fairytale wedding. Unfortunately after days of nail-biting anticipation and utter disbelief, Donna did not win. But it was not because of a lack of creative and enduring friends who got pretty loopy as the day/evening evolved and the tweets persevered. I have to say that I had a blast being creative and dreaming of new things to say about Donna. As the evening wore on, my creativity dissolved as others became hilarious.

I wanted to share a few of my very favorites. Unfortunately I didn't follow DonnaToLondon, a new user created for this special occasion by the ever creative Becky, so I am sure that I missed out on very entertaining tweets. For those relatives of mine reading, Donna is not related. And if you don't know what Twitter is:

•  Twitter enables users to send and read text-based posts composed of up to 140 characters, called tweets, which are displayed on the user's profile page. Users can subscribe to other users' tweets – this is known as following and subscribers are known as followers or tweeps ('Twitter' + 'peeps').

Here they are, what I consider the Best of the Best, in no particular order (and I could not go back and see all of our tweets, so this is just what I could still access):

By Donna:

·         I see London, I see France, I see Donna McKee's underpants

·         Donna McKee is the 27th letter of the alphabet

·         When Harry met Donna McKee, it was magic

·         Donna McKee came out of the womb knowing how to walk in heels

·         New Orleans shows ITS boobs to Donna McKee

·         Donna McKee never needs airbrushing

·         One of my FAVORITES:  Donna McKee's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

·         Donna McKee will smell anything you ask her to. True story.

By Becky:

·         MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE:  If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. But you can't dodge Donna McKee.

·         As soon as I stepped away from the computer I starting singing the lesser-known Janis Joplin song "Me and Donna McKee"

·         Donna McKee got kicked out of ballet class because she pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't hers.

·         When Donna McKee read about the evils of drinking, she gave up reading.

·         Once, during Prohibition, Donna McKee was forced to live on nothing but food and water.

·         What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except Donna McKee. She comes back at you.

·         Donna McKee isn't bad, she's just drawn that way.

·         Donna McKee is the answer to the question you forgot to ask.

·         Donna McKee makes the knees of your bees weak.

·         Donna McKee diagnoses House's patients on the first try.

·         The Mona Lisa is smiling thinking about Donna McKee.

·         Every time you vote for Donna McKee, an angel gets its wings

·         Donna McKee's a genius. She hooked up our stereo.

·         If I didn't have puke breath, I'd kiss Donna McKee.

By Shelly:

·         Mary Poppins asks Donna McKee for parenting advice.

·         Donna McKee makes the iPad look dated.

·         My OTHER VERY favorite:  Chachi didn't love Joanie, he loved Donna McKee.

·         Uptown Girl was written about Donna McKee.

·         Donna McKee can skip backwards.

·         Donna McKee won Iron Chef without even having to pick up a knife.

·         Donna McKee melts in your mouth, not in your hands.

·         Donna McKee finally got Monica Lewinsky's dress dry cleaned.

·         Donna McKee told George Jetson exactly what a sprocket is.

·         Donna McKee rescued the survivors of the SS Minnow.

·         Donna McKee taught the Clampetts manners.

·         Donna McKee likes it shaken, not stirred.

·         Donna McKee knows which one they picked after the first 2 minutes of House Hunters.

·         Donna McKee eats the green M&Ms first.

·         If I was on death row, I'd ask for Donna McKee as my last meal.

·         When Donna McKee looks great white sharks in the eyes, they swim away in fear.

·         Donna McKee invented the Internet.

·         Donna McKee has seen paradise by the dashboard lights and she wasn't impressed.

My tweets:

·         Forget snickers, Donna satisfies!

·         Donna is my drug of choice.

·         Luke, Donna is your Father.

I know I had an essay written about the yummy goodness of my beans that I was sittin' there eatin' at lunch, tweetin’ about Donna McKee.  I commenced to describe the 5 different kinds of beans. In separate tweets.  Cause it was fun.  The next day, some legume society started following Donna McKee on Twitter.

Congrats Will & Kate, and GOOD LUCK!  Bets on how long it will take before they have a house cleaner?!?!??!!

Bunnies & Bonnets

For Easter, I always dressed up in some frilly pastel dress (sometimes knee length, sometimes long), and I usually had some kind of coordinating accessory:  a bonnet, a little purse or possibly a parasol.  I know, gag.  I remember that it was usually too cold to be wearing a frilly dress on Easter.  I’d go to church, and then my parents and I would go to both sets of grandparents for Sunday dinners.  Dang, I remember the pies and the gravy.  My mom’s mom made the BEST pie.  My dad’s mom made the BEST creamy chicken-fried gravy from the fried chicken drippings (she made really memorable pies too as she taught me to love custard pie—there was not a pie I didn’t love, but that's a post for another day).

The Easter that sticks in my memory is the time we had an egg hunt at my grandma’s (mom’s mom) and I could not for the life of me figure out how I missed the “prize” egg, I was probably 10ish.  I think all my aunts & uncles and cousins were there.  I remember running around in my light blue long frilly dress (ruffled tiers with polka dots) and white patent shoes.  My cousin, Belinda was wearing mint green, I think.  I remember collecting eggs ALL OVER the yard (front, sides, and back).  In the back behind the garage, I remember looking in a wheel rim—No egg.  And then it wasn’t 10 minutes later and one of my much younger cousins found the Prize egg IN-THE-WHEEL-RIM!  For the longest time (maybe a decade), I never understood how I could have missed that egg.  Every year, we had an egg hunting contest, and whoever got the egg marked “Prize”, got some special gift (i.e. chocolate bunny).  I never won.  With so many kids, odds were against it, but I have to admit that once I grew up and realized someone PUT that egg there just seconds prior for that little kid to find, I was much relieved to realize I wasn’t that unobservant.  I think either Paul or Annette found the prize egg—and it made their year.  Looking back, I’m really glad they found it.

We are eating a late ham dinner, with homemade buns (Todd’s buns), and this wildly delicious-looking potato casserole dish Todd just whipped up that looks like it has more cheese than potato.  It’s almost done, and our home smells really tasty.  Hope your Easter was wonderful!

Oh, I'm Sooo Done!

You may remember a conversation about my volunteering in a previous post.  I admit that it was mostly a one-way conversation, but not totally!  You gave me great feedback, and as a bonus, I thoroughly confused my husband.  That was fun.

Anyway, I am officially going to be done with volunteering in my Professional Association of Lint Filter Cleaner-ers (PALFC) as of the end of June.  I am tired of working with a process that just can't improve.  I give up on trying to force efficiencies with automation.  If I cared, and thought it would be worth it in the long term, or was drawing a paycheck from this association, things would be different.  But they are not, so I'm outta there.  Soon.  I will fulfill my year long obligation, then that is it. 

Because I am the middle person in a process, and I have to beg for the input to my process so that I can give the output to others, and I have NEVER gotten the information in a timely manner so anytime I have anything to do it's always a blazing fire of an emergency, I'm done.  I understand that in a volunteer organization, you can't exactly demand for things to happen.  But who doesn't take pride in what they do, regardless if they are paid for it or not?  Yea, I don't want to work with those people anymore.  And I don't have to.

Yap Masters

I'm in Toastmasters, so that I can master my fear of public speaking.  It has been a huge confidence booster for my ability to speak publicly.  My "ummmm's" (nervous filler word) have decreased drastically.  However I have noticed that I still say ummm in casual conversations--oh the HORROR!!!  I *must* stop doing that. Right. Now!

I gave my 5th speech tonight.  It was a special speech for me because of the topic I chose.  My objective was to use body language (each speech has a list of objectives).  Not in a theatrical way, but in a natural expressive way.  I accomplished my goal!  And the really cool part was that my competitor was one of the most experienced speakers in my club--and *I* won the Best Speaker ribbon!!  I thought for sure that I wouldn't win, and I was cool with that, and then at the end of the evening, I was awarded the ribbon!

I chose to speak about how I grew up always wanting to go scuba diving.  My dad had been several times and it sounded so cool--a different world down there under the sea.  I got certified when I was 16, but did not have a chance to dive until our family vacation with my nephew and parents in Cancun about 8 years ago (approximately).  That was my first chance to go diving for real (like not in the lake in which I was certified and could not see more than 2 feet in front of my face, or a swimming pool).  I got re-certified before our trip, and my dad along with Todd got certified when we were there in Mexico.  The bad part?  OMG, they both got seasick.  Like really ill.  The boat ride back must have been hellacious.  I felt so bad about making my dad go back out the next day, but my dad told me, he'd go if I wanted to go.  My mom told me not to have any regrets.  So, yes, I wanted to go.  And we went.  What an experience.  It was the biggest leap of faith I have ever taken, jumping into that ocean for the very first time with scuba gear.  And I'm so glad I did it.  I remember being 40' down on the sea floor and looking up.  The blue color was mesmerizing, the movement of the sea was swaying me, the light dappled through the water and the waves at the top looked amazing from the sea floor. I will never forget that sensation. My poor dad got sick again. See, the sea is fine when you are UNDER it, but on the boat on top of the water is a different story. Todd had too much fun the first day and skipped the real trip. That was my dad's last diving excursion by choice, and my very first; and it was a lifelong memory I will never forget.

I got a little choked up during my speech because it is a special memory for me, but I did not falter.  My evaluator made a comment that I give a little of myself in every speech, and I guess that's true.  At least, that's what I try to do, whether I consciously knew it before tonight or not.

Fry Baby, Fry

We don't always eat healthy. I know that's shocking! Vege's need to make more of an appearance at our house on the dinner table. It's just really hard with the porcine loving carnivore with whom I live. We had "fry night" tonight with our deep fat fryer. A machine I swore we'd never buy.... But hey, it was a gift!

We had beer battered catfish nuggets, shrimp (with a coating of PANKO bread crumbs), mushrooms, little smokies (battered and fried twice with a coating of PANKO bread crumbs on the second coating), and asparagus. Well, I had battered/fried asparagus, Todd wouldn't eat it but he did cook it for me! It was super yummy. I highly recommend it. I highly recommend it all in moderation! I should have had a side salad or something, but that would have been just too healthy. Next time, we'll try battered and fried bacon....

Oh, YES we did!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

May I have your attention, please?  (drum roll) 

No, really, SERIOUS drum roll here.  For those of you who KNOW us, you will KNOW what I'm talking about when I make my announcement.  It's been such a long road, such a very, very long road.  It's been uphill both ways in a blinding blizzard, with no shoes and 20 lbs. of books to carry....  whoops, wrong story.

In honor of today's date, April 15th, the traditional TAX FILING deadline, I may now announce:


WE FILED OUR 2010 TAXES ON TIME!!!!

No stinking extensions for us!  No way, no how, no sirree Bob, not for this household.  Let me also say for those of you who may not know us so well, heck, and for those of you who do, we ALWAYS get a refund.  You know, cause I'm paranoid that way, and it's not like we don't PAY OUR FLIPPIN' TAXES.  Oh, we pay.  We pay.  But now, we FILE too, ON TIME and everything!  I feel such a sense of accomplishment.  This makes me very, very happy.  I will be trying to balance my deductions closer to what we owe, so that we don't give my horrible uncle Sam such a big interest free loan for this year.  Fucker doesn't deserve it.

Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!!!

Every Day Is April Fools Day At My House

So for several weeks, my hubby was playing a practical joke on me. It really aggravated me at first but then when I realized he was doing it on purpose it was quite amusing.

We had to replace an ignition coil, which meant that the battery had to be disconnected. Which meant I lost all of my radio channels. When it was working again, wow, it was like magic--the radio station was defaulting to a Spanish speaking station. I thought nothing of it the first morning. Or the second. Or probably the third. But by the fourth, and fifth morning, it made me wonder what the hell was going on. Well this went on for a few weeks, and finally, I go back inside the house after I hear it again, and I confront him. With this evil grin on his face, he says "Whaaaaaaat? Me? Change your channel? No way, Jose". Well he does this randomly.

Now, I think it's just his cute little way of telling me he loves me. Either that or he wants me to make some enchiladas or nachos for dinner.

Happy Birthday Dad!

The best dad on Earth had a birthday last Saturday, my dad!  I found the perfect item to send him, chocolate dipped cherries.  I hope they were tasty, I believe they were since both he & my mom said they were good.  You never know, if it's not the peak of cherry season, will the fruit be tasty or under-ripened, etc.

I've been thinking about my parents a lot lately and how lucky I am to have been born to them.  Memories I have of my dad:

• Pushing me on the backyard swing set when I was wee little.
• Taking me to go see E.T. (mom was having some women over for cocktails).
• I was his favorite subject when he dabbled in photography.  (I didn't look like a very happy model.)
• He always sent me (and mom) Valentine flowers.
• I remember realizing his favorite pie is cherry on a camping trip with extended family.  I always went right past the cherry for apple or pecan or anything with real meringue.  I decided to give cherry a try, and it IS good!
• I remember the first time he taught me to drive.  It was past the old "S" curve on the way home, and I felt like I was going 135 mph, when in reality I was going only 45!!!  I will never forget that exhilarating feeling of driving for the first time.
• I remember the first time I saw him in a tuxedo, made me cry.
• My first scuba diving trip was (probably) his last, and bless his heart, he was seasick the day before on re-certification.  But he still went, cause I wanted to go.  Thank God he was there, too. 

I hope his birthday was the very best and so many more to come!

Glass Half Full -or- Glass Half Empty

Does life suck or is it just a phase?!?  I believe things could get worse.  I mean, I could be living in California, the only state where housing prices have fallen EVEN MORE than where I am.  I heard a statistic today--that housing has fallen 65% in CA.  Thank God I'm only down 50% (sarcasm intended).  But on the bright side we're healthy (for now), and have benefits for which I am very thankful.

Life could be....better.  So much better.  I keep thinking about four years ago and how I wish we had never moved here.  WHY, WHY, WHY did I move?!?  What was I thinking.  Oh yea, that it was a step UP, and that it would be BETTER, and that I was GOING somewhere.  Well, that didn't work out to well, did it?!?  I know, quit beating myself up over it, I couldn't have known, it happened for some reason, bla bla bla.

The bright side:

• I love the dry, high altitude climate--Who knew?!?  However, I can feel myself prematurely aging and wrinkling as I breathe.  Oh wait, that isn't positive.
• The dogs LOVE it out here.  No ticks, fleas, poison ivy, very few mosquitoes, and lots of rivers to go swimming.  Plus the West is just SO MUCH MORE dog friendly than the mid-west.  You just have to visit to understand what I'm talking about.
• I can take my dog into Home Depot.
• I can be in the mountains in 30 minutes.  Or the desert.
• We have the hottest nicest mail lady this side of the Rockies.
• Last but not least, actually most important of all, Tricia.

That's my bright side list of this Hell Hole.

Da Dun... Da Dun...Da Dun...Da Da Da Da Da Da

When you were a little kid, do you remember changing from taking baths to showers?  I do.

I had a flash back today, to when I think I was about 5 (maybe).  Perhaps I was a little older but I don't think I was in school yet.  I swear I felt like I was 5 again.  Maybe I was 9, but I don't really remember, so 5 sounds good.

I went to the gym this afternoon.  Hang in there with me on this story, I promise all of this IS related.  I expected the pool area to be crawling with little kids and parents.  At first, I was pleasantly surprised to find the pool.... completely empty.  I've never been in this pool before, this was my first visit.  So I was not entirely sure of the depth in all areas.  I was a little apprehensive, to be in this pool. All. By. Myself.  Come on, I'm an adult here!  No freaky teenage cheesy murder mystery is going to freak me out so that I avoid getting in the pool.  That's why I came here, to GET IN the pool.  I shake off the teenage scream movies, and I get in.  I mean, I'd rather get in unknown waters, than walk around in my swimsuit to survey the pool for all the meat-heads in the weight room to stare at me through the window.

So I get in.  Wow, it's NOT some strong aroma of chlorine.  That's another pleasant surprise.  Come on, I can do this!  Hell, it's only 3 feet deep!  I start swimming, albeit a little timidly.  Wow, it's a salt water pool.  Oh wait, from what bodies did all this sweaty salt get into the water?  Nope, it's *meant* to be salty.  Ok, good.

I wasn't going to use my goggles yet as I start to swim.  If something gets me, I want to see it coming.  I am not exactly doggy paddling, but I'm not swimming to expend energy.  I realize half way across the pool that it IS getting deeper.  Shit.  I keep paddling with Eyes Wide Open.  Wow, I finally made it to the other side.  Whew!  And that's when the flash back happens.

I remember begging my parents to let me stay up to see The Carol Burnett show.  I LOVED her!  She was so funny, even if I know now that I could not have possibly understood even half the jokes.  Score!  I got to stay up and watch.  Bad call, very very bad.  This was the episode where Carol (at least in my minds memory, it was Carol) took a bath.  Da Dun.  I believe it was a bubble bath.  Da Dun.  Then there were bubbles coming up the drain.  Da Dun.  And somehow Jaws came up through the drain and sucked her down.  Da Da Da Da Da Da. 

That was the day I stopped taking baths and starting taking showers.  Well, I didn't go near the bathtub/shower for like a week.  Then when I was made to by my parents, geez thanks guys, I took a very quick shower.  I kept my toes away from the drain too. 

Flash back to reality.  So once I reached the end of the pool, I hopped out and decided to walk back to the shallow end.  Whew, some other people came in and my heebie jeebies finally dissipated.  I got in and swam for real.  But I was still a tiny bit creeped out.

Just A Theory

I went to the grocery store on my way home tonight.  I know, shocker, cause I’m NEVER the one to go—yes, I am a very lucky person.  Anyway, I always get deer-in-the-headlight-syndrome when I’m in there.  I need to look at and touch everything, because there are SO MANY items which I have never seen.  Again, because I am never the one to go.  Neither complaining or bragging about that fact. 

Why did I stop by the grocery store?  Glad you asked.  I have a theory.  I wonder if when someone increases their physical exercise level (aerobic activity), does one’s body actually decrease, umm, its activity level, if you know what I mean.

So I felt like an old person in the check-out line.  Here’s what I bought:

·         A jug of low-fat drinkable yogurt with probiotics

·         2 4-packs of Activia low fat yogurt (including their own special probiotic cultures)

·         Heart healthy whole grain lasagna noodles

·         Fiber One bran cereal (the highest fiber/least sugar one I could find) – they look like Chinese noodles.  Any odds on how bad these are going to suck?

So I’ll see if I’m feeling better within a week.  We’ll see.  Theory in progress here.  God, getting old sucks.