Some Ideas Should Remain Imaginary

There was a skit I remember chuckling at the first time I ever saw it, about Flatuscents.  I'm sure anyone who has ever shared a bed has dreamed of something like this at some point after a spicy pot of chili.

However, there are some things that should be left a fantasy.  Really.  I could NOT believe my eyes when I was flipping through a catalog and saw this item.  It's really for sale.  You can actually BUY these.  Subtle Butt, disposable gas neutralizers:

If the link doesn't work for anyone, here is the product description pasted directly from the site (hey, it's not MY typo):

Sometimes you just con’t control a gassy stomach...and what may happen as a result. But relax—the pressure’s off when you’re protected with these antimicrobial pads. Just stick to your underwear (even thongs) and go about your day. If you make a slip, don’t worry—the odor is neutralized by the activated carbon layer, and you’re spared the embarrassment. Great for travel, office or anywhere you’re in close quarters!

I am sure everyone is RELIEVED to know these work with thongs.  Whew!  I knew you were worried.

There were TWO REAL Product Reviews for this item!

• "For those who actually have this embarrassing problem, these work great. They are very pricey to use daily. That's my only complaint."
• "I bought them for myself...I have experienced too many embarrassing moments...I am so glad that I came across these pads...they are definitely helpful!"

Ok, folks.  Here is a REAL question.  This item takes care of the smell.  But

WHAT THE HECK DO YOU DO ABOUT THE SOUND?